Homily
for May 9, 2004
Year C - Cycle II
5th Sunday of
Easter
by Fr. John Carney
Topic:
What is Love?
+ + +
Gospel Reading:
John 13:31-33a, 34-35
"...My children, I will be with you
only a
little while longer. I give you a new commandment: love one
another. As I have loved you, so you also should love once
another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one
another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if
you have love for one another."
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In the Gospel of John, the word “love” is used 46 times. And towards the end of the Gospel that we heard today, Jesus explains what he means. He tells us to, “Love one another as I have loved you.” He says, “This is a new commandment I give you.” Not a recommendation, or a proposal, or a suggestion, but a commandment. He says, “People will know you are my disciples if you love one another as I have loved you.” So it is important that we understand what love is. What does he mean when he tells us to love one another as he has loved us?
I went to the dictionary, as I often do. It’s fascinating to read the various definitions of love. There are many of them. Here are some of them:
“The unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.” Perhaps some of the confusion – and there’s a lot of confusion with that word “love” – a lot of people have gotten into a lot of trouble by saying, “I love you.” Or by not saying it. Perhaps part of the confusion is our limited language. In the Bible, there are 47 different words to express what we would translate in English as the word “love.” Forty-seven different words in Greek and Hebrew. Among them, “ahaba” which is romantic love. Another Hebrew word “raya, “meaning a female friend, or friendship, platonic, for a woman. “Chaba,” a Hebrew word meaning affection. “Wachem,” a Hebrew word meaning compassionate love or pity. “Philodelphos,” or brotherly love (the city of Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, has the second highest murder rate in the United States. I wonder what the Greek translation of “Detroit” is!). And then, finally, the word “agape,” a Greek word, meaning “the unselfish, loyal, and benevolent love for another.” So, no wonder there’s so much confusion about that word love, and what it means.
Several years ago, I heard the confession of a teenage girl. She said, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been two months since my last confession. I disobeyed my mother. I was disrespectful to my father. I slept with my boyfriend. I was mean to my little ….” I said, “Wait a minute! Hold it! Stop. You don’t slip in that big mortal sin with those little venial sins.” And she looked at me, and she didn’t get it. And I explained to her that having sexual relations with anyone who is not your spouse, in a marriage between man and woman, is a sin. It’s either fornication, or adultery…a very serious sin. And she looked at me like, “What planet are you from?” And she really didn’t understand that. She even said, “Well, at the end of the Mass, the deacon says, ‘Go in peace to love one another.’” And I said, “That’s not what he means!”
There’s a lot of confusion. I spoke to a young woman last week. We were talking about the Church’s teaching, and what we believe is right and wrong in sexual mores and sexual matters, in marriage, etc. And I said to her, “I think people just know what’s right or wrong.” And she said, “They don’t. Not any more.” And it was a revelation to me. The Bible teaches us what’s right and wrong. We hear it in church, sometimes, but not very often, perhaps. Look at the other influences that all of us are exposed to, especially our young people. You’re not going to learn what’s right or wrong about sexual mores, or what love is, by listening to music. You’ll hear some wrong messages. You’re not going to learn by going to the movies, or watching television. “Friends” just ended their very successful ten years, and there’s been a whole lot of sleeping around going on in that series. And the question is, how much are we exposed to that stuff – the music, the cinema – as opposed to the time we are exposed to God’s word? In my case, I’ve been exposed more to the other stuff than to God’s word, and I’m a full-time thing here, in the Church, you know. So, we need to say it. It’s not so obvious any more, what’s right or wrong.
And then there’s the concept of love…when people say they love each other. I’ve had other cases where they say, “We’re living together.” And I say, “Do you love him?” “Yes, I love him.” “Do you share your check book with him?” “Oh, no.” “But you give your body to him? What’s more important? Your money? Or your body?” “Oh, yeah!” I can see the boyfriend cringing in the background. “Shut up, Father. You’re ruining it for me!” Ah, love, God’s true love, has got to be based on Christ’s principle of love. And look at the crucifix for a moment, because he not only tells us what love is, he shows us. Look at that cross. That is total self offering. It involves sacrifice. It involves suffering. That’s true love. You people who are married know that love involves sacrifice. And you know it involves suffering as well. That’s true love.
In my former parish, I had this little couple. I just loved them. You’d say they were a cute couple. They’d been married almost 60 years. Since that time he has died. You’d never see one without the other…they were that kind of couple. If you did see one without the other, you’d say, “Is he ok?” or “Is she ok? Where is she?” I asked her one day, “You have a beautiful marriage, don’t you?” And she said, “Oh, yes, Father. We have a beautiful marriage!” And I said, “Have you had difficult days?” “Oh, Father. He wasn’t always as good as he is now.” I said, “Have you ever really disliked each other?” She said, “Father, we have hated each other at times.” By the way, hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is the opposite of love. One of the words for love is passion, or pathos. Apathos, apathy, is the opposite. And I said, “But you love each other now.” And she said, “Yes, but we still have a little fight every day.” They loved each other. They didn’t even know each other when they married, compared to the knowledge they had of one another many years later. I asked her, finally, “Was it worth it, all the suffering, the sacrifices, the doubt and the worry?” And she said, “Yes. It was really worth it.”
I don’t mean to denigrate passionate, romantic love. There’s an old Jewish expression. The rabbi says God will hold you responsible for every bit of romance that you missed that he gave to you, or put you in a position to enjoy. But love that is based on romance will never last, if that’s all it’s based on. If it’s not based on sacrifice, then it won’t endure.
So, today we look at models of love: mothers. People always say, “What a shame that 50% of marriages fail.” I am absolutely amazed, in this day and age, that 50% of marriages succeed, after struggling, every one. My parents, I have to say, got along well in the last few years. My dad went deaf. About that time, they started to agree on every thing. It was wonderful. And we have so many wonderful marriages to look at, especially in this parish. This community is blessed with some wonderful marriages.
Another example of love is Our Lady. Here at the Immaculate Heart of Mary Parish we look at Mary, the Mother of God and our Mother. That young woman, probably 14 or 15 years old, said “Yes” to God, and her entire life was self offering. And, of course, the greatest example we have is our Lord himself, the perfect act of self-offering. You know, you can’t separate that cross from that altar. They’re in line for a reason. This is one thing; that sacrifice and this sacrifice. His passion is tied directly to the Eucharist; the total self-giving, the total offering to you, of him.
“As the Father loves me, so I have loved you. Live on in my love. I have told you this so that your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: Love one another as I have loved you.”