In the 12thcentury, in the exact year 1140, there was a battle over a fortress town in Germany by the name of Weinsburg. Weinsburg is not too far from Heidelberg, off the Neckar River. From this battle, a great legend emerged. I think most German’s have heard of the legend of the women of Weinsburg. Weinsburg was a medieval fortress city on the hilltop surrounded by a very thick wall. It was under siege by an enemy king and it became obvious that the forces of the siege would be victorious, and that the inhabitants of Weinsburg would be slaughtered. So they went for peace, and the advancing king agreed to let the women and children leave Weinsburg. After further negotiations, they let the women carry whatever they could carry, obviously their most precious possessions. The legend says that when the gates of Weinsburg were opened, the women and children walked out and the women carried their husbands on their backs. It is a legend, but like many legends and myths, it contains an eternal truth. That is that a woman’s greatest possession is her husband, and a man’s greatest possession is his wife. To the extent that husbands and wives treasure each other, they will treasure their children, and their children will in turn treasure them. So, on this Feast of the Holy Family, we’re reminded that most people are called to live in families. Most people, but not all of them. We also know, too, that these are difficult days to raise a family. Personally, I kind of see the glass as half full. Considering the challenges of this era, I’m amazed that 60% of marriages endure and are so wonderfully successful. I think we should take great happiness and joy in that. We know, too, that there are many non-traditional families, many families headed by a single parent, often a woman, but increasingly more so men, there are blended families with children from former marriages or former unions. The church reaches out and includes all of these families and considers all of them essential and important.
Today’s reading, there are choices each year, many readings on this Holy Family Sunday. I always choose these readings. Parents love them, children don’t always. The first reading from Sirach, Sirach is one of the books of wisdom in the Bible, gives some very specific and direct guidance to children. It says, "Children must honor their fathers, respect the authority of the mother, revere a mother and a father, take care of your parents when they are old. Several years ago in the Albuquerque Journal, the Sunday Journal, there was an article about this elderly woman who is not well, and she had to move into a nursing home. She was poor. The only thing she received was Medicare or Social Security. I don’t know if you know how that works, but if that’s your situation, the state picks up the slack. It may cost some $3000 a month to be in a nursing home, and I think Social Security is like $800, so the state puts up the $2200 difference. But they take the $800, they take the social security, and then they give a very small stipend to the person, you know for the little odds and ends in life, something like $35. In this article, it was very sad, because she said she only had this $35 for spending money, like for gifts for her grandkids and cards. She said this year she couldn’t even afford her Dove soap. Dove soap, you know, is ¼ cleansing cream, and that her hands were rough and her skin was very dry, and I was so saddened, I almost put down the paper and went and got a case of Dove soap for her. But then I got angry, but as I continued to read, and I don’t remember the exact number, but she had like six or eight children. And I said, "Where are the kids?" Why is it the state’s fault that this poor woman has dry hands? That’s the children’s fault. I think she said something like, "Well, they have their own families." I was just angry. How in the world can one mother raise eight kids, one mother take care of eight kids, and eight kids can’t take care of one old lady. Can you explain that to me? It’s an order of Christ to take care of our elderly parents and grandparents, and frankly, what a joy that is for those of you who have that responsibility to care for your parents or grandparents. What a blessing that is. Sirach tells children to, "Grieve not your parents and be considerate and be kind" especially when they begin to lose their ability to think. Parents must love their children, sacrifice for their kids. That just comes with being a parent, according to Christ. Look what Mary and Joseph did for their son, they sacrificed everything, for Jesus. I mentioned before, my parents were Irish immigrants, and they were relatively uneducated and were very wise people. Their son is very well educated, and not very wise sometimes. When it was time for me to go to college, my parents sold their home so that I could go to a private men’s college in Rhode Island. To understand that even more, for poor immigrants to own a home in America was a statement that they made it. They sold that statement so they could send me to school, and I didn’t even think of it. I was totally ungrateful as an 18-year-old, as 18-year-olds tend to be. I’m sure grateful today, not so much for the education, but for that love, for that sacrifice of my parents. And that’s what parents are supposed to do, sacrifice everything, if necessary, including their lives for their children. That's how God set it up. Parents should pray for your children, pass on the faith to them, you pass on everything that‘s important, if your Christian faith is important, you must. Kids don’t decide themselves. I don’t know where that got started. You could say you wouldn’t put a kid out in a forest without a map and a compass, and say you figure it out. What, I’m going to throw out 2000 years of Christian tradition? So pass on the faith.
Have the courage to lead your kids. I was listening to Sir Charles Barkley. Those of you who laugh know who I’m talking about. He’s a basketball player, known as Sir Charles, or Himself. He has written a book and in his book he has given some of his values. I heard him interviewed on ESPN the other day, and he said to the interviewer, the interviewer asked him about his daughter, he’s raising a 14-year-old girl. Sir Charles says, "I tell that daughter of mine that I’m her father and not her friend. She will do what I say." Of course, he’s 6’10" and 300 lbs., that makes it a little bit easier, but he’s right. Parents are not their kid’s friends, they are their parents. Sometimes people come to confession and they are all upset because, "I’ve been fighting with my daughter (or my son)." I say, "How old’s your daughter?" "Twelve." I said, "What are you doing fighting with a twelve year old?" When you fight with a 12-year old, you got to get down there and fight, or 14 or 16 year old, you’ve got to get down there with them. Don’t get down there, you preside over that family. You are the Queen of that family. They will do what they are told, and if that upsets them, then let them mope. Eventually, they’ll come, in almost all cases, to appreciate the fact that you are in charge of the family. A family is not a democracy, parents who lead according to Christ, lead. Jesus Christ was obedient. A longer version of this Gospel today, Luke’s Gospel, went on to say, "And he was obedient to them", to Joseph and Mary. If Jesus was obedient, then every child must be obedient. We talk about influence, the media, the dreaded media, and Hollywood, and all these terrible influences on our kids. Well, nothing should influence your children more than you. You’ve got them more than anyone else does, I hope. I hope you spend time with them, and talk to them, and correct the imbalances of the media and to correct the rubbish that’s out there. Children learn values, believe it or not, at home. They really do. That’s where most learning occurs. When children are little, they think their parents are God. They think everyone’s God. In fact, one little child was upset the other day because I’ve been wearing purple, you know the violet for Advent, she was all upset because she said, "Where’s the purple God?" She didn’t like this white God, you know. Kids look up to parents, even when they act like they’re not, they’re listening, and parents are to teach them. Parents teach children to love. If you don’t teach love, you’ve got to catch love, by being exposed to love, like a cold. That’s how you learn to love, you just get it. The way parents can do it is the Weinsburg way, in other words. I often say this to parents, if you love your kids, then love each other. If the kids see mom and dad in love, they will know that love is real and it’s for them.
So
on this Feast of the Holy Family we ask what’s important, and
that’s your family. Sometimes people say, "How do you know? You’re not
married." I’m very happily unmarried. There is a very happy woman out
there somewhere not married to me. Every day I hear the problems, as a
matter of fact, at the end of the day I go back to the rectory all by
myself and say, "Thank you Lord. Thank you." Put on my ESPN, you know,
I’m happy. No family is perfect. Remember Fr. Ray Hannigan was here a
month or so ago, my buddy who was ordained at age 64 and is a hockey
player and a businessman. Ray had seven children, and his wife died
from MS and she suffered from that for like 10 years and this is some
30 years ago and there was less medication and therapy for that
terrible disease then. She was somewhat delirious and she was heavily
medicated, and she started to focus on one of her children, I think it
was the youngest or second youngest, his name is Michael. She told Ray
Michael was doing and saying these terrible things to her, and Ray
believed her, and was very, very direct with his son, and very hard on
him. After Peg died, Ray found out that she had imagined these things
and Michael was innocent. But Michael was gone by this time, and Ray
has been following his son for 25 years writing and calling and
investigating were he is just to say I’m sorry, and Michael refuses to
speak to his father. I’ll tell you, if Ray dies before he gets that
embrace with his son, he’ll die of a broken heart. But Ray says that he
knows. He says every parent has made a mistake and every child has made
a mistake. We need to forgive each other. We love each other, not
because of what we have done, but because of who we are, family.
Let us pray. For our prayer, I’d like to just read again that second reading from Colossians chapter 3.
"Brothers and sisters, put on as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, and in all wisdom teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything n the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
The word of the Lord.